Problems Students Can Have While Trying To Make Friends In College
In the article How To Make Friends In College Or University I lay out some approaches for how students can meet people and form a social circle. However, I realize not everyone can easily pull off the advice. Here are some common problems people have while socializing at university.
Even if they find guides on making friends and meeting people, some university students will have trouble applying the advice because their social skills are undeveloped. That or they may just be too shy, anxious, and insecure around other people to do what they know in theory.
In the grand scheme of things people are still really young when they’re in university, especially when they’re first starting out. Yeah, relative to being in high school they’re older, but someone who’s 18 hasn’t been around that long. Many students have had the chance to develop pretty decent social skills by that time, but some haven’t. They just need more practice under their belt before they feel on top of things.
- The main one is to work at improving your people skills or confidence. This will take a while, but the results are naturally worth it. This site has plenty of articles on the topic.
- Try to find friends who are a good match with where you’re at now. Just because you’re a bit shy or unpolished doesn’t mean you can’t have any friends at all. It may not be totally realistic to aim to hang around with the super-confident, outgoing crowd who have all been partying and dating since they were thirteen.
- Universities have a lot of supports for their students, and free counseling services are often one of them. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with seeing a counselor. In fact, since access to the service is often included as part of your tuition, it can be a great opportunity to get some free outside help. The earlier you start working on this stuff the better too. Getting assistance may involve talking to someone one-on-one or taking part in a therapy group focused on learning people skills or dealing with social anxiety.
Not relating to the drinking/partying/hooking up culture on campus
This is a pretty common complaint from students. They want to make friends, but they feel like all anyone cares about is going out, getting wasted, and trying to get laid. Some people just find the whole endeavor kind of stupid and immature and not their style. For others it clashes with their personal, cultural, or religious values.
The fact is not all students are into binge drinking and casual sex. In fact only a minority are. The problem is the people who are into partying make the most noise. The media also tends to focus on this stuff in its depictions of college life.
While you may not like the partying culture, you can’t really make it go away. What you can do is know that there are lots of other people on campus who feel the same way you do, and try to seek them out as friends. Certain clubs or organizations may have more of these types of people than others. For example, if you belong to a cultural group that disapproves of drinking, you’ll likely find like-minded friends if there’s a student association for its members. It is possible to have a social life without alcohol.
Another suggestion is to try not to think of drinking and partying in all-or-nothing terms. Not everyone who drinks or goes to parties does it to the same degree. There are people who get black out drunk four nights a week and act like annoying idiots the whole while. There are also good, decent students who drop in at parties on some weekends and maybe have a beer or two. Not to mention, some of the partiers may not like that whole scene, but they just don’t realize it yet, and are only there because they got caught up in following along with their friends, and the mentality that that’s what college kids are supposed to do. It’s not a clear line between Drinks any amount > Bad – Will never get along and Doesn’t drink at all > Good.
Make an Effort to Meet Your Neighbors 👋
Dorms are filled with college students going through similar experiences — homesickness, cheap meals, community bathroom horror stories, and their first steps of independence — so this can be a breeding ground for memorable interactions.
Many freshmen dorms on campus host social events such as karaoke nights, door decorating contests, picnics on the quad, and more! Fight the urge to spend those hours alone in bed and get to know that random student on the common area couch — you never know, they may turn out to be your new best friend!
Of course, these things can also happen in other types of accommodations. Whether it’s an off-campus apartment or you’re sharing a house with four other roommates, there’s room (no pun intended 😉) for you to make lasting friendships.
Find a Workout Buddy 🤼♀️
Finding common ground with another person is the first step to starting a friendship. Shared hobbies like going to the gym or breaking a sweat through yoga or dance workouts mean you’ll always have something to start talking about!
Plus, having someone to go to the gym with can motivate you to hit your health goals or aim even higher. You can also exchange numbers and text about good recovery techniques or plan other fun activities to rest and recover.
Getting sweaty is a great way to make new friends, and you’ll get fit too! Photo: Bruce Mars/Unsplash
The Key to Making Friends in College
This article provides plenty of actionable ways for making friends in college, but all of this advice is useless if you don’t actually apply it. If you decide to join a club or attend a campus event, make a concerted effort to talk and get to know those around you. Don’t simply hang out in the background and wait for others to approach you.
Challenge yourself to strike up a conversation with at least one person each day. The reality is that everyone is eager to make new friends in college. It might be intimidating at first, but once you open up a little, you’ll find that many people are willing to meet you.
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Source:
https://www.succeedsocially.com/sociallifecollegeproblems
https://thecollegepost.com/how-to-make-friends-in-college/
https://www.bestcolleges.com/blog/how-to-make-friends-in-college/